this boner is exhausting
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
