I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
