pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bring me that man meat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
