I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
