I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
