so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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