i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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