No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
