My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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