idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love having hate sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
