So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
