You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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