Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
