What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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