Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
