Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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