Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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