Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
