mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ruined the universe
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
