Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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