Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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