i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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