I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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