Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
