cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
