There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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