youre lurking in front of me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
