I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
