oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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