you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
