I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
