I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
