he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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