So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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