I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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