I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
