just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
