oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
