I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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