So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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