Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
