I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
love makes seman taste better
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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