Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
