Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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