If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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