I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
