is your mom at the bar?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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