I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
