Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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