Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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