Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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