guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Holy shit dude........stairs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
