Plan B is the new Plan A
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize