Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How does it feel to date your dad?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
