Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
