Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
