TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
