apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I had to cum in my sink.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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