we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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