We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
