did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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