I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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