I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
