I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
