I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to align my fucking chakras
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
