You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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