We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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