If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
