Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
