You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
