I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
