Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
