Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
