Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
