I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
