i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
