i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
